Room to Grow

Now Lot, who went with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents, so that the land could not support both of them living together; for their possessions were so great that they could not live together. 

– Genesis 13:5-6

On my first reading of this verse, I saw Abram choosing his possessions over his brother. After all, were it not for their material abundance, Abram and Lot could have lived together in the same land, right? Was Abram really putting his brother first by giving him first choice of the lands? Wasn’t he putting his wealth first?

As I struggled with this apparent greed and selfishness, a friend helped me to take a wider view of Abram and Lot’s “possessions” – to see not only their material wealth, but also their gifts of the Spirit. For the brothers to grow into their own unique gifts, they needed the space that we all require to discover our identities as individuals. 

Clinging to a peer group offers perceived safety and comfort, but it can also stifle growth and self-discovery. I once took a large group to a weekend youth event. They were thick as thieves, and they had a lot of fun. They didn’t seem to care too much what anyone else thought of them. They had their own esteem, and they had safety in numbers.

On Sunday morning, the homily was interactive. Youth were invited to reflect on the reading from scripture. Many young people participated, and it was quite moving. They mostly avoided generalities and vagaries, and took the risk of sharing from their lives – real questions and personal connections. But not one child in my group shared.

I think that they were afraid, afraid of what others would think of them. And it wasn’t the judgment of strangers that silenced them; it was the judgment of friends. When we surround ourselves too tightly with people we want to be like and people who want to be like us (as we are right now), it is difficult to be different than the person we’ve been in the past, to change and grow and become the individuals that God calls us to be.

Growing up, I wanted to be like Nick. We were friends – sort of. He didn’t want to be like me, so I tried hard to be more like him and less like myself. I clearly remember the evening in 8^th grade when I broke down and realized it wasn’t worth it. I let Nick go his own way. The feeling of freedom was intense. Space to be myself. It must have been a similar feeling when Abram surveyed the land before him and realized how vast it was.

At the moment that Abram and Lot separate, God rewards Abram, promising that his offspring will be as numerous as the dust of the earth, and that his descendants will inhabit the land as far as his eyes can see.